What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 03.07.2025 04:25
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
When she asked me how she looked .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
What are some tips for braiding a woman's hair on a date?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And i lived it daily.
It was going to be , some day.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
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And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
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Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She married twice! .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
One cannot live in the past .
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I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Do you usually wear your panties over or under your pantyhose?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Who then, do I blame.?
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I will be 64.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
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I was 9 years of age.
I think the readers, may guess!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
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I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
We were not on the streets..
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My family never makes their pension either.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
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The only rule us 5 kids had .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
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Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But, we were locked up after school.
What is a challenge you never want to face?
My life is so biszare .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
What are some things that children used to wait for, but are no longer common in today's society?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
So whats the point in blame.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Especially a lifetime of it.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Im still living with it.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I have no regrets .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She loved him until the end.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But it wasn’t much.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I don,t even have a pension.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Why did i forgive my father ?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Was to survive, this bastard.
Put me off passion for life!!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She wouldn,t have been !
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Ive learnt so much.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He knew the spot.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
We all went to grammer schools
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I said to her
(And it was in our own minds.)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
As i do to all so called friends.?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I write beautiful poetry .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Would this be the day?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
This is soul school!.
Comes on , in middle age.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was scared of men, in general
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I waited trembling.
All the time i was locked up.
She found it foreign!.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I was seconnd youngest,
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She was in good health!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I was very sick at this time too.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I never cut or harmed myself..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He resisted the act ,that day.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
So, i spoilt her more .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
What did i know ?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.